Don't Play Yourself

Don't play Yourself,

Look, I am about to be real blunt, but it’s all out of love. It’s all out of growth and it starts by looking in the mirror and that’s why I’m sitting at this computer right now. I’ve been in some situations that clearly could have been avoided and it’s always easy to point out the other person and what they did or ask why I deserved what happened. Honestly, why not though? What did I do to avoid what I went through?

I know someones going to say it, so let me just address it. Yes, I believe other people should do the right thing and treat people the way they want to be treated because that’s just the right thing to do. Also, yes, I understand what it feels like to do what seems like all you can for someone and they just seem to take advantage of that. This isn’t just about romantic relationships, but family and friends as well. Actually, looking at myself, it mostly has been family and friends. I’m not neglecting that all these are points are to be noticed. I’m stating the fact that when I really sat back and thought about why the situation played out as long as it did, the answer was me. I chose not to distance myself, I chose to look past the obvious and it left me with all these unanswered feelings.

So, what now? Now that I see that I have let people use me, how can I make sure It doesn’t happen again.

1.) Realizing you could have done something different and growing from it: Like I said we need to really look in the mirror sometimes. We can be mad at what a person does to us, but we need to realize that we let them do it. Be accountable for where you fell short because you owe yourself, they don’t.

2.) Pin point the rooted problem that made you stay: when you first take accountability that is simply saying that you realize you had a point in the downfall of the relationship. Pin pointing the problem is now looking in the inside and pulling out those insecurities that we try to push to the back of our brains. Yes, for me, right next to where junior year trigonometry sits is that bag of insecurities. The situations we stay in for example cheating or someone who doesn’t make time for us is more that just those acts. They are benefiting off the fact that you fear people will leave you or don’t find yourself curvy enough. They use what they see you aren’t confident in and keep you stuck. They can’t use something you have acknowledged and begun to work on.

3.) Forgive yourself. We all make mistakes. We all have been in a situation we knew wasn’t good enough for our standards. You didn’t stay forever though or if you are still in it now you can see that there is still time to leave. Life isn’t a movie or a story that you can just skip to the end and see where you’re suppose to end up. It takes trial and error. A LOT OF TRIAL AND ERROR and there are going to be enough people that don’t forgive you along the way for you to be added to the list.

4.) What can you do differently: Again, don’t use the situation that ended your last relationship. This is deeper. What with in yourself did you pin point in step 2 that you can start working on for you. This will not only help you leave where you are not being appreciated, but it will help your happiness and peace because one less insecurity in the box can improve so much.

5.) Forgive them. Wow. This is one that I don’t think ANYONE has perfected yet. It sounds so cliché, I know. However, This is a VERY important step because this will help you move on. The person took what you gave. Is that wrong? Yes, but being spiteful or trying to get them back will just fill your heart with hate and leave you laying in bed at night not being able to sleep. They don’t care. People that use you care for you as long as you can be used. If you don’t forgive them, they will still see you as a player on their chess board and you are. Note that just because you forgive them doesn’t mean you have to go back. It means you take whatever happened as a learning experience and are able to not let what they did ruin you.

In the perfect world people would be pure intent with you, just as you are with them, but the world isn’t perfect. Situations get tricky and living in them can have our minds clouded. Taking a step back and realizing what we’re worth can keep us from losing what we have created for ourselves. You are worth too much to be presented with so little.

P.S: Listen to Jonathan McReynolds “Cycles” it’s not one of the steps, but I strongly thought about adding it in as one.