I'm Just Trying to Figure This Out

So, basically I’ve been playing myself lately. Honestly, I don’t know if I’m playing myself or this is just a weird path to growth. Maybe both? This is going to be more of a rant letting out my thoughts than a well constructed blog so bare with me….. I’m stalling, can you tell? I think I’m trying to figure out how to properly word my problems. Basically, I’m the type of person (I feel like most people are) that knows if I’m feeling someone fairly quickly in our first few encounters. I generally have a good read on people and my gut feeling is usually pretty on point. So, with that being said, if I stick around and entertain anyone that I know I won’t keep around, I’m just wasting theirs and my time. So, why does it seem like recently that’s what I’ve been doing?

In my half way defense, let me just say that my friends and family have this idea that I’m this no nonsense person that needs someone who will treat me when I get too bold because If they are anything less than that, I’ll push them away ( you read my ghoster blog). Do I agree? Maybe a little. Maybe this is why I’m giving people that I pretty much know won’t work chances. I’m proving myself and everyone else wrong. I can be compassionate and understanding? Don’t get me wrong, I am all for having standards that we won’t allow to be lowered. SOME THINGS CAN’T BE COMPROMISED, but some things can. Im trying to find that middle ground and it’s hard because I get scared that I don’t give people a chance, but then I’m also scared that I’m allowing things I shouldn’t because I want to be more understanding.

For example, Maybe I should just make a whole blog post on the “you up” text because that’s honestly the root of a lot of my college dating problems. We are all busy and have this wide range of freedom which leads to a lot of late night link ups. This honestly already starts things off on a backwards foot and setting the standard becomes ten times harder. Is asking to go for an ice cream run too much? Apparently so, but it shouldn’t be. Where do I go from there though? Should I be understanding that this has become the college norm and just try to suggest meeting in public? Treat them for thinking this was valid to only want to link at booty call hours (That’s honestly the only thing to call it )? Or just move on because them asking to link after hours at a house on the first couple of dates is enough to know they aren’t the one? A struggle, that leaves me trying to figure out what to do.

I think if I had to sum this all up, it ends with me being confused on how much to give someone. Am I scared to look stupid? Am I scared that I’m compromising too much? Should I just give up and be single my whole college career maybe longer? Am I being dramatic? I think all of these are liable answers.