My Faith in You

My Faith in You

Being away at college has given me the independence I think was needed to begin to discover who I am without the constant judgement of family. This may be the best and worse part of college to speak honestly because I have become slightly removed from things I should be sticking close to while correspondingly distancing myself from some things that are probably best kept at distance. One thing I can definitely say I need to start depending and growing in is my faith in God though.

I am currently sitting in my bed at 1a.m in one of those self reflective states where I’m questioning everything about my life because I’m at one of the most confusing stages where I really don’t know what’s going on sometimes. Reread the line before this. Do you see the problem? I don’t know what’s going on, that’s the problem. Not so much the uncertainty part, but I’m putting too much faith in myself on having the answers. My plan that God has made for me is already made and I should find comfort in that. You know when you don’t find comfort in hearing this? When you don’t have comfort in your faith. How can you trust something to lead you when you’re constantly reaching your hands out making sure the thing guiding you is still there.

I’m going to be honest in saying that I don’t think I’ve ever put my complete faith in God like I should. I haven’t practiced the Bible and prayed on a consistent basis in any point of my life. I have my stronger periods, but still not at the standard it needs to be. I will say, when times do get critical, I am the first one to put my headphones in and blast some Jonathan McReynolds or Tori Kelly in my ears to give me some sort of peace, but I know it takes more. If I can get it together to manage school, social life, finances all of the life priorities given to me day to day, I know I have more to give.

Let me make this clear. Faith is not just sending a tweet on how much you need God. Faith is not just praying. Faith is not just reading the Bible. Faith is not just going to church. It can incorporate these things of course, but faith is practicing and believing that my life is more than me and letting God take me where he planned on positioning me. Sometimes that doesn’t look like the “cool” thing to do. Sometimes that may not be the easy thing to do. Sometimes that means I will lose friends and cut ties with family. Sometimes that mean I will have to look in the mirror and hold myself accountable for falling short. Having faith in him means understanding i’m growing even when it doesn’t look like it.

Being in a phase where I find myself unsure and uneasy a lot of the times I know for a fact it’s going to take more than me to continue to get through. Independence is nice, but I can’t forget who helped me get here and who I can without a doubt lean on to get me to where I need to be. I put my faith in you Lord. Amen.