You're Doing this on Purpose

You’re doing this on purpose

I had a whole blog post written, read over it, and then a whole other idea sat better with me. Before I decide on writing something else, I’m just going to get into the anecdote and all the other “ Morgan is thinking too much” stuff, you know, the main reason you come here.

So basically, I have been reading “ The Wait” again by Meagan Good and her husband, DeVon Franklin. As I get older, I’ve realized I am torn on a lot of subjects and sex is one of them. Actually, relationships as a whole is one of them. Anyway, I say all of that to say that the book is good if you look past it just being a “ Why you should wait until marriage story,” because I’m not one to tell you that. I’m actually not even sure where my thoughts conclude with it. I do agree, however, that our decisions should be made with purpose. They make it very clear in the book that the wait isn’t just pertaining to sex. It isn’t just applied to relationships either, actually the process of thinking a decision through beyond what we feel in the moment is something we can take and apply to most experiences.

Lately, let’s just say quarantine has people acting differently, including myself. No, I wouldn’t say I'm the most impulsive person, I actually over think most of the things that I do, down to every possible outcome. I almost started to take pride in being prepared. I had every good and bad outcome down to a T, so that I very rarely was thrown off guard. I keep talking in the past tense because we all know that life somehow always has a way of throwing in an outcome we don’t expect.

What was mine? That thinking through everything until I’m so sure of every outcome isn’t much better than just making a choice spur of the moment. Anything that you do without purpose is just an empty action. Even if the purpose is “to get a break”, there is still meaning behind it. I would find myself thinking every possible outcome out, not really focused on one, moving so quick so I could just get everything over with, that I didn’t think about why I was doing it. The blog, relationships, my future, all just a trust fall to myself?

If you get nothing else from this blog, please, think about why you’re doing “it”. Whatever “it” is. Why are you going back? Why are you having sex? Why should you start that business plan? Why may journaling be something you should pick up? I’ve learned that if you have a reason, even if things go bad, the mistake doesn’t feel so …...meaningless?

A lot of times when I’m up thinking it’s along the lines of, “ What if I don’t end up happy? What if I didn’t pick the right major, what if I stopped talking to that boy who didn’t text back too early or how will I adjust after my college career is over. Will I be okay?” I sit and I think about all these scenarios, sometimes making hard decisions and I still can’t figure out why I can’t find peace with it. The answer? I wasn’t making a decision. I thought I was. I think I am...but ultimately, I’m not.

I’m religious, so any decision I make needs to be something I prayed on. I’m also someone who wants to walk in purpose, so it needs to be something I put meaning behind.

I’m ultimately learning that hard decisions just get harder, so whatever decisions we can make to move us closer to claiming that peace everyone talks about, is worth it.

~Edited by Ta’ah Tompkins.